• Why your fantasy could be more normal than you think

Why your fantasy could be more normal than you think

Have you ever thought about being dominated in the bedroom, making love in a public place, or, guiltily, thought about having a sexual experience with someone who is not your partner? Don’t worry! At Only 4 Pleasure, we can assure you that you’re not alone. According to Mosby’s Medical Dictionary, a ‘sexual fantasy’ is defined as ‘mental images of an erotic nature that can lead to sexual arousal,’ so having a fantasy that turns you on is normal, and doesn’t mean that you subconsciously have a desire to betray your partner in any way. In fact, a 2015 study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine surveyed 1,517 adults to learn what constituted an ‘unusual’ fantasy. To do this, they first had to pinpoint the ‘normal’ ones. Read on to see if yours cuts the ‘most common’ list.


Romantic themes

Over ninety percent of women surveyed agreed that feeling romantic emotions during a sexual experience had appeared in their fantasies. Romantic emotions, atmospheres and locations are common contributors to both male and female pleasure – and it makes sense. Feeling relaxed can allow you to ‘let go’ and enjoy an experience more.


Making love in an unusual place

Have you ever fantasised about hooking up somewhere other than the bedroom? Maybe the idea of getting it on in the car or office is a turn-on for you. Places that aren’t associated with sex can increase the levels of adventure during an encounter, and when incorporated into a scenario (with costumes, for example), can be even more exciting.


Making love with someone who is not your partner

It’s important to note that in your mind, while you’re experiencing a fantasy (especially if you’re pleasuring yourself while you are imagining certain scenarios), it’s most likely that you do not imagine yourself to be ‘cheating.’ Just as it’s common for men to fantasise having intercourse with two women, for a woman to imagine being with a different man should not be a terrible source of guilt – it’s might be about being in a situation where the other person is there solely to pleasure you, without the emotional complexity that you would associate with your partner.


Being dominated by your partner

According to the aforementioned study, more than half of women fantasised about being tied up to receive pleasure, with a number of those subjects describing activities associated with submission, like other forms of bondage, spanking and being ‘forced’ (consensually, but as role play) to participate in sexual activities. Being in a vulnerable position, or in a position of service, for example, providing sexual pleasure for money, could also come under this umbrella. It is not unusual for the fantasy to go the other way, either, as being in a position of power over your partner can be equally exhilarating. It’s about deconstructing different dynamics in a hypothetical experience.


Homosexual thoughts

More than a third of women that identified as heterosexual reported to having sexual fantasies about lovemaking with another woman. For some, this may signify latent homosexuality, but for many, it is a completely normal idea to explore in your head! Women are the subject of men’s fantasies up to 19 time a day (the Journal of Sexual Research, 2012) so it makes sense to be curious.


While it’s normal to have reservations about communicating your fantasies with your partner, sharing your inner-most desires can build intimacy and trust. Like dreams, sexual fantasies can hold a mirror up to our ‘real’ sex lives, but it’s important to remember that a fantasy ceases to be a fantasy once it has been acted out. So if you have a favourite scenario, consider whether transcending it to the real world is a good idea – some dreams are best kept as dreams.